Lights, Carols, Action! Or, what is it like being neurodivergent during the run up to Christmas?

November often feels like the beginning of a sprint finish towards the end of the year.

I’ve written before about having a happy autistic Christmas, and ways to make your Christmas more neurodivergent-friendly, but this year (nearly 11 year old) Magic Bunny and I decided to do something a little different.

We decided to interview one another about the good and the bad things about this time of year, in the hope that it will help others to understand:

What things do you enjoy about the time leading up to Christmas? 

Magic Bunny (MB): I enjoy the happy feeling that seems to be all around at Christmas. People helping each other and being kind just feels really nice. I like Christmas songs and carols (as long as they’re not too loud!), and I love decorating the tree near Christmas to Michael Bublé with my mummy. I love the colourful lights at Christmas, not super-bright, but just cosy and happy. And…I love Christmas specials/movies and getting Christmas cards, though getting them near my birthday is a bit annoying 😊! 

I LOVE the freezing weather around Christmas and wearing Christmas jumpers! Shivering with cold and excitement! I like the decorations too. I LOVE WRAPPING PAPER! I love getting things in my stocking and waking up really early to unwrap them! I love the Nativity, too. 

Laura (L): For me, the time leading up to Christmas is all about making things – baking special food, and crafting – sewing, crochet and papercraft. We often do a nativity picture as well as an Advent calendar, where we add one thing to the picture every day until we have a complete picture on Christmas Eve. I also love the music of this time of year, and helping out with the services at our church. I enjoy watching the same festive films year after year – some of which are ones from my childhood, like the Muppet Christmas Carol. I am also a great lover of fairy lights and pretty decorations.

I like to order presents and Christmas food online, to take the pressure off and to prevent me getting overwhelmed by the busyness and other sensory overload that doing shopping in person entails. But I then like to visit the shops at some point for a browse and to enjoy the atmosphere without the stress of trying to look for things at the same time. 

What things do you find difficult? 

MB: I really don’t like shops that blare out loud music with searingly bright lights. They make me want to hide under a table with a book. I don’t like how time seems to go so quickly, and I have to rush to finish writing Christmas cards. It’s annoying when people say to cheer up because it’s almost Christmas. Granted, I DO like Christmas, but squashing my feelings won’t make me feel better. I’ll feel upset with myself for not being happy because it’s almost Christmas, and then I’ll be told to cheer up and it might happen over and over again. I am allowed to feel sad or angry at any time of year. Christmas is not the exception. Once I’ve calmed down, I probably will be able to look forward to Christmas, but I need time. 

I don’t like feeling pressure to eat Christmas foods that I don’t want to eat. I have tried, believe me, to eat the same things as other people at Christmas and it is not fun. If I’m going to have a holly jolly Christmas, then you’ll find me eating Turkey Dinosaurs and chicken nuggets.

I don’t like not knowing what the plan is around Christmas, especially when everything is brighter and louder and too much. I also don’t like having lots of Christmas things near my birthday, because it makes it feel less special. Man, I sound like I hate Christmas now! 😊 

L: I always struggle in shops with noise and crowds, and I am not great at staying focused when there’s a lot of visual input either. So although I have coping strategies which work at other times of year, they don’t work so well once the Christmas decorations and crowds are there. Add in things like live music (e.g. brass bands) or extra flashy lights, and I am so unable to focus that my brain feels as if it’s shouting at me to get out of there. I tend to go round with headphones on at this time of year so that I can control the music and volume, but it doesn't always help if the music in my surroundings is too loud. I also find that as a short person, being in crowds can be a struggle as well, because it makes it hard to see where I am going. 

As a mum, it can feel as if I am responsible for making everyone else’s Christmas magical – I know this isn’t strictly true, but it’s hard to shake off. I also have 7 family birthdays to buy for between November and early February, so it can end up being all about the present-buying…

Crowds can be harder to cope with at this time of year.

What things would you like to change? 

MB: Hmm…that’s a tricky one to answer.  Maybe start writing my cards a lot earlier, so it doesn't feel so rushed?

L: It’s easy to overcommit myself to lots of different plans and forget that this is a ludicrously busy time of year. Perhaps I need to be more realistic about what I can actually manage to finish in the time I have. I have a tendency to start big craft projects too late in the year and put massive pressure on myself to finish them before Christmas. It’s self-inflicted stress that I need to do something about! 

I also need to rein in my enthusiasm for trying to make lots of food that we will never be able to eat our way through… I like collecting recipes, but it should be a hobby on its own, perhaps.

I also need to remember that every year I have a massive slump in my mood in January / February, and so I need to think how to look after myself better over the festive period to reduce the impact of the new year. 

What things would you like people to understand? 

MB: I want people to accept that they may have to accommodate changes to make the run up to Christmas/Christmas itself easier (in terms of food, flashing lights, etc).  

L: I want people to understand that I may not always come to things if there will be lots of people, especially if it’s in the evening, but I still want to be invited. Because sometimes I can manage to be sociable, and then I feel bad about being left out. 

I much prefer to know the plan in advance, so really can’t cope well with spontaneous planning – so I don’t enjoy things being changed at the last minute, however fun you think it may be. (I do enjoy surprises in the form of presents though!) 

I would also like people to understand that I need recovery and rest time in between being sociable and doing things together – this may be even sitting in a room on my own with a book while everyone else is doing something together. I am not being anti-social, I am recharging. I am trying to be more assertive these days about asking for accommodations that I need, which can be difficult for some people to understand if they’ve not had me asking about them before.

Update:

Since starting this blog post, in an ironic twist of reality, Magic Bunny ran out of time to add further comments, and Laura started a time-crucial crochet project which may or may not end up being finished in time to be given as gifts.... We will learn one day (perhaps!) We hope that your experience of the time leading up to the festive season is a good one.

Magic Bunny is a guest blogger, and Laura Webb is a director of NeonDaisy